Study Sheet – Marriage and Divorce

1. The Two Acts of Jewish Marriage

The Jewish marriage (kiddushin, "sanctifications") comprises two distinct legal acts:

• Kiddushin (betrothal/consecration): the woman is "consecrated" to the husband through the giving of a ring before two witnesses. The ring must be plain gold, round, and simple, without engravings or precious stones.
• Nissu'in (marriage proper): entry under the chuppah (wedding canopy) and the seven blessings (Sheva Berakhot).

Formerly separated by a year, these two acts are now performed together in a single ceremony.

The wedding day is compared to Yom Kippur because the couple's transgressions are forgiven. This is why the bride and groom fast on the wedding day.

Chatan = groom. Kallah = bride.

2. The Wedding Ceremony

The bedeken: the groom covers the bride's face before the ceremony, referencing Laban's deception of Jacob (to verify the bride's identity).

The chuppah symbolizes the home the couple will build together. Some see it as a reminder of Abraham's tent, open on all four sides for hospitality. Halakhically, it signifies the bride's entry into the groom's domain.

The ketubah is the marriage contract written in Aramaic, signed by the groom, detailing his financial obligations toward his wife (maintenance, amount due in case of divorce or death). It is read publicly under the chuppah. Without a ketubah, cohabitation is forbidden. It was instituted by Shimon ben Shetach to protect women's rights.

The Sheva Berakhot (seven blessings) are recited under the chuppah, then repeated after the wedding meal and for seven days following (in the presence of panim chadashot — a new guest). They begin with the blessing over wine.

Breaking the glass: the groom breaks a glass in remembrance of the destruction of the Temple (Psalm 137:5-6). The Talmud (Berakhot 31a) relates that Mar bar Ravina broke a glass to temper excessive joy.

Yichud: a moment of privacy for the couple immediately after the ceremony, completing the act of marriage.

3. The Laws of Niddah (Family Purity)

Taharat hamishpachah (family purity) governs conjugal relations according to the menstrual cycle. It is one of the pillars of Jewish family life.

Niddah: the state of ritual impurity during menstruation. During this period and the seven "white" days that follow, the couple observes complete physical separation.

Minimum duration: 12 days = 5 minimum days of flow + 7 days of shiva nekiyim (clean days).

Prohibitions during niddah: all physical contact and conjugal relations, no sharing the same bed, glass, or plate. No direct passing of objects between spouses. No perfume, no displays of affection.

Hefsek taharah: an internal examination (bedikah) performed on the 5th day, one to two hours before sunset. Marks the end of flow and entry into the 7 clean days.

Mokh dachuk: a cloth placed internally between sunset and the appearance of stars (after the hefsek taharah) to confirm cessation of flow.

Shiva nekiyim: during these 7 days, the woman wears white undergarments and performs bedikot morning and evening.

Veset: the menstrual cycle. Anticipated dates are observed with preventive measures.

After childbirth: boy = 7 days of niddah; girl = 14 days.

4. Immersion in the Mikveh

Immersion (tevilah) takes place at nightfall (after the appearance of stars), the evening following the seventh clean day. Exception: on the evening of a wedding, immersion may take place during the day.

Chafifah: thorough body cleansing before immersion (remove jewelry, nail polish, dead skin, untangle hair, brush teeth). Without chafifah, immersion is invalid.

Chatzitzah: any substance or object creating a barrier between the body and the water invalidates immersion (nail polish, jewelry, knot in hair).

Blessing: "Barukh Atah Adonai... asher kideshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu al hatevilah."

Location: a constructed mikveh, the sea, a river (not a stagnant lake without a source).

This cycle of separation and reunion is considered by tradition to strengthen the couple and renew desire.

5. Divorce (Get)

The get is the religious bill of divorce. It is written by a specialized sofer, commissioned by the husband, and handed by the husband directly to the wife in the presence of a beit din. The text is in Aramaic, personalized (names, place, date).

Without a get, the woman remains halakhically married and cannot remarry. The husband's refusal to issue a get creates the problem of the agunah ("chained" woman).

Recognized grounds for divorce: halakhah does not require "fault" (Beit Hillel, Gittin 90a). Classic grounds: incompatibility, immoral conduct, infertility after 10 years, violence. Maimonides (Hilkhot Ishut 14:8) permits the beit din to compel the husband if the wife declares that he is "repulsive to her" (ma'us alai).

6. Yibum and Chalitzah

Yibum (levirate marriage) is the obligation for a man to marry the childless widow of his deceased brother (Devarim 25:5-6).

Chalitzah is the "removal of the shoe" ceremony that frees the widow if the brother-in-law does not wish to marry her.

In the Ashkenazic world, yibum is prohibited (cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom) and chalitzah is always performed. Sephardim have maintained the possibility of yibum.

Key Takeaways – Summary