Study Sheet – Life Cycle – Adolescence and Relationships

1. Tzniut (Modesty)

Tzniut governs conduct between unmarried men and women. It applies to both genders and covers both dress and behavior.

Shomer negiah: abstaining from all physical contact with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage (including handshakes, hugs). Based on "kirvah shel gilui arayot" (approach to forbidden relations — Vayikra 18:6). The norm in Orthodox communities, with varying degrees of observance.

Yichud: the prohibition against being secluded alone with a member of the opposite sex to whom one is not married. Aims to prevent situations of temptation.

2. Sexuality and Marriage

Sexual relations before marriage are forbidden by halakhah. Maimonides (Hilkhot Ishut 1:4) considers them a Torah prohibition. The Shulchan Arukh (Even haEzer 26) forbids them explicitly. The laws of niddah cannot be observed outside the framework of marriage.

Within marriage, sexuality is not only permitted but a mitzvah (onah — conjugal obligation, Shemot 21:10). It is not reduced to procreation: mutual pleasure and intimacy are valued. The Talmud and the Iggeret haKodesh (Ramban) teach that conjugal relations conducted in holiness cause the Shekhinah to dwell within the couple.

Position on homosexuality: the Torah (Vayikra 18:22, 20:13) prohibits sexual relations between men. Orthodox halakhah upholds this prohibition while distinguishing the act from the person and opposing all discrimination. The Reform and Conservative movements have adopted more inclusive positions.

3. Contraception

Halakhah does not prohibit all contraception but regulates it strictly.

Men have the obligation to procreate (pru u-rvu — at minimum one son and one daughter according to Beit Hillel). Women do not have this obligation under strict halakhah.

Cases where contraception is permitted: medical risk to the mother, pregnancies too close together, nursing, mental health, after fulfilling the mitzvah of procreation (one son and one daughter). The couple should consult a posek.

4. Infertility and Assisted Reproduction

Infertility is treated with great sensitivity in Jewish sources. The Talmud (Yevamot 64a) relates that the Patriarchs were infertile because "God desires the prayers of the righteous."

In vitro fertilization (IVF): generally permitted when the sperm comes from the husband and the egg from the wife. Issues: obtaining sperm (perforated condom during intercourse), risk of embryo mix-up (rabbinic supervision), status of the surrogate mother.

Third-party sperm donation: highly controversial. A non-Jewish donor raises fewer halakhic issues (no Kohen/Levi lineage questions, no risk of mamzerut). A Jewish donor is more problematic because the child could unknowingly marry a half-sibling. Most poskim prefer a non-Jewish donor if necessary.

Surrogacy (gestational carrier): the fundamental question — who is the halakhic mother, the genetic mother or the gestational mother? Opinions are divided. If the carrier is non-Jewish and the egg donor is Jewish, some authorities require a precautionary conversion.

Divorce for infertility: the Talmud mentions ten years without children. In practice, modern poskim consider available treatments and recommend divorce only as a last resort.

5. Adoption

Halakhah does not formally recognize adoption as changing lineage: the child remains halakhically the son/daughter of the biological parents (inheritance, marriage, Kohen/Levi status). However, raising an orphan is among the greatest mitzvot. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 19b) says: "Whoever raises an orphan, Scripture considers it as if they had given birth to them."

Child adopted from a non-Jewish mother: must be converted (giyur) — circumcision (for a boy) and immersion in the mikveh before a beit din. The beit din acts on the child's behalf (zakhin le-adam). At religious majority, the child may theoretically reject the conversion (extremely rare in practice).

Aliyah to the Torah: if biological parents are unknown, the child is called "[Name] ben Avraham Avinu." If known, some permit the adoptive father's name (adding "hamegadlo" — who raised him).

Adoption does not create Torah-level marriage prohibitions between the adopted child and biological children of the adoptive family, but precautions regarding tzniut and yichud are recommended from puberty.

Key Takeaways – Summary